Navigating a NICU Stay — Tuesday Top Ten
With Crosby’s third birthday just around the corner, I’ve been reflecting a bit on his birth, and our subsequent NICU stay. I just can’t get over how little and precious he was, or how I managed to stay standing after 6 very long, very sad days. While I wish I would have done some things differently, I am really proud of how I handled the unexpected.
Keep reading for my Top Ten Tips for navigating an unexpected NICU stay with your newborn (and keeping your sanity).
Crosby’s first NICU photo. Finally stable.
Skin-to-skin for Crosby’s first feed.
Skin-to-skin… as much as you can. Our nurses and neonatologist were clear… babies who spent more time skin-to-skin with their parents go home sooner. For me, that was just a nice fringe benefit… we were missing out on so much the first week of Crosby’s life… I needed that time together for us. As soon as the NICU team stabilized him, I asked to hold him. It was strange trying to snuggle a baby hooked up to so many wires and tubes, but we did it anyway. Encourage your partner to do the same. My husband, Jay, was nervous about holding him at first and it took almost 24 hours before he did, but by the end of our stay, he was a pro. I’m so glad they had that time together… it also gave me much-needed breaks when I needed to pump or go to the restroom, or try to close my eyes.
As a doula, I have found that St Elizabeth (a Level III NICU) is the most amenable to near-constant skin-to-skin. If you find yourself at another NICU and, unless your baby is very, very sick, don’t be afraid to push back (a lot) on getting regular skin-to-skin. Your baby’s monitors may “ding” a little, but take deep breaths and give them a moment to acclimate to their new surroundings before worrying you’ve hurt them and handing them back.Allow yourself the freedom to be sad. Y’all. I cried so much , so much, during our time in the NICU. I left there with sores under my eyes from the tears (they took over a week to go away). Yes, your baby is being cared for. Yes, there are babies who are in worse shape than yours. Yes, your baby is here. In our case, I knew our baby would be going home in two weeks or less time…. I didn’t care. This was not how I wanted our story to unfold. This was not what I’d envisioned for us. I was absolutely devastated. So I cried. A lot. The nurses were concerned. They all wanted me to feel better. What they didn’t understand was the only thing that would make me feel better was having my baby at home with me. With our family. Away from that place, forever. Not a shower. Not a walk. Not a couple hours of sleep.
Advocate for your baby. This may seem obvious… but it made such a difference for me mentally to ask all the questions, and commuicate our goals. I needed to understand everything that was happening and best and worst case scenarios from there. I also needed our team to understand that we were motivated to leave and would not be compromising things like skin-to-skin, breastfeeding, or rooming in.
Ask for what you need. This is different than asking questions or advocating for your baby. We’d hired a birth photographer so I didn’t bother with taking any pictures of Crosby after his birth. Of course we were whisked away from our postpartum room as soon as we’d arrived so I didn’t have any pictures of him there, either. All I knew of my baby was this masked creature. It was heartbreaking to me to not be able to recall what he looked like. I reached out to my photographer to send some pictures to me of him ASAP, and while I waited for her to respond (she was understandably still sleeping), I asked the nurses to please let me snap a photo during his next mask change. Other times, I desperately wanted to kiss his little face…. So I asked that I be allowed a quick moment to do so when his mask was changed. Wanting to announce his arrival nearly two days after his birth, I asked if his nurses and respiratory therapist would help me swaddle him in his announcement blanket and throw a hat on to cover the CPAP hat and let me take a picture as best I could when he didn’t have his mask on. My baby was well enough to tolerate 5-10 additional seconds off of oxygen (picture of a little oxygen boost mid-photo included), so we were fortunate that all those requests could be honored.
I also struggled with the idea of leaving him unattended. 36 hours later, one of our nurses offered to hold him for an hour while I went back to the postpartum floor to get some sleep (in a busy NICU with multiple patients, this may not be possible… I was very fortunate).. That was the first time I slept during our stay there. She was an absolute godsend to me.
Crosby was born while COVID restrictions were still in place and we were not allowed to have anyone other than the two parents wearing hospital bands in the NICU. Unfortunately, Jay didn’t have unlimted paternity leave and needed to go back to work a couple days that week, so I pushed for an exception to allow my very close friend back to be with me for a couple hours. It made a world of difference for my mental health (I think all the crying mentioned above really helped them say yes 🤦🏼♀️).
5. Eat the food. Our NICU provided three meal vouchers per day to breastfeeding parents. I would place my breakfast order promptly at 630am when they opened, lunch after the baby’s midday assessments and feeding, and then again right after shift change at night. They were not the best meals I’d ever eaten, but they were filled with fresh produce and good protein… everything I needed to maintain my energy and strength in a situation seemingly designed to drain them. I always ordered a can of coke, too… I never managed to finish one… but those 4-5 oz of caffeinated soda added a little spring to my step.
6. Take lots of pictures. And videos. I was so sleep deprived, more so than with any of my other three... and memories of that time are clouded in such sadness for me. Watching his videos these days are so sweet and I'm very glad I have them.
7. Take your own creature comforts. There was no TV in Crosby's room, so I brought in my laptop so I could stream Bengals Super Bowl coverage day and night. Have someone drop off your own pillow, your own blanket, etc. If you're going to be there for a while, you may as well have the things that make you comfortable.
8. Let yourself enjoy the cutesy stuff. Foot prints. Cards for big siblings, etc. I absolutely treasure my little NICU keepsakes. We also decorated our room with all the things big siblings made for Crosby.
Some of Crosby’s little NICU things. A picture just can’t communicate how tiny his little UV goggles are. 😍
9. Don't lose track of your mementos... we lost Crosby's hat and measuring tape in the rush to get him from our postpartum room to the NICU and on oxygen. And be sure to keep the NICU things. I don't know that'd I'd describe Crosby's CPAP hat as a memento... because I hated that thing. But I am glad I kept it.
10. Be the squeaky wheel. I know this is basically #3 and #4, but it’s worth repeating. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, as they say. Don’t be quiet, don’t be afraid to press your call light. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, or push back on standard procedure. This time with your newborn is so incredibly important and is so fleeting. You deserve to have all the support you need to connect with your sweet baby during your NICU stay.
If you’ve found yourself in the NICU with your newborn, I hope this list helps.
NICU veterans, what would you add?
Crosby meeting his big siblings for the first time.
Super Bowl Sunday
