Sleep. More specifically, sleeping-in.
That's what I was afraid of while I was pregnant.
HOW ON EARTH WILL I SLEEP-IN?
My perfect Saturday: Sleeping in and brunch. I don't ask for much in life. I swear it.
Girls just wanna have fun, ya know? But then you're pregnant, and thinking of everything you might miss out on...
“Thanks 'Naggy Nancy' I know how much I'll GAIN.. but give me space to just...mourn about all the things I'll miss.”
Sleeping-in. Brunch. Mimosas. Target.
Ok, this list is feeling closer and closer to impossible with a new baby, right?
Socials. Add that to the list.
Socials.. you know.. with cocktails, amazing dresses and adults?
I'm a determined woman. I'm pretty F*ng great at creating my life... and I want that for anybody that wants it.
LIFE DOESN'T HAVE TO END WITH A NEW BABY!
There are OPTIONS, and they DO NOT ALL INVOLVE YOUR BABY!
There's Nancy again -
“Hey Nancy, new parents are still PEOPLE... People that like to do things.... go places, meet people, and have fun! SURPRISE!”
Put your perfect patties away, Nancy, and pay attention to some tips that may even help you out!
Here are 5 things I know about staying social as a new parent.
1. Yes. Tell Naggy Nancy to SHOVE IT!
Don't let anybody interfere with you creating your normal. There are babies of the world that have traveled more than I have, and that's because their parents are COOL! You get to decide what's normal and healthy for your family. YOU. If that means keeping your baby in the house for the first 3 months of life, that's ok! If that means continuing life as usual for you, that's ok too! The key here is: YOU DECIDE, and as long as you're taking the proper precautions in considering the safety of your newborn, you won't get any judgment from here! (Nancy will always judge you. Always.)
2. Daddy will not break the baby… (and the baby won’t break Daddy).
It can be hard to relinquish control, and to give Daddy, your partner or even your family a chance, but they have to learn… just like you did / do. The best advice I can ever give is this: They loves this baby. Sometimes we moms tend to forget that this is not only our baby. I get it, I do.. we carry, and nurture, and endure, and survive so much! We don’t want to see anything happen to our precious little miracle. But hear me when I say, if you don’t give these people a chance now, YOU WILL REGRET IT! Give that baby to Dad or Grandma and run like the wind! Even if it’s just to have a seat in a Starbucks and inhale the wonderful goodness of coffee. GO. Once you do this once, you’ll get better and better at it.
3. Accept help.
Sounds simple, right? It’s not. It’s really not. You can’t allow just anyone to come in and care for your most precious gift. The gift you carried and nurtured and endured and survived birthing. You can’t do that, and you shouldn’t need to. Be sure that you enlist the most trustworthy care possible for your child. It is OKAY not to trust family or friends with your baby. Our instincts don’t lie. We all have someone that comes to mind that is SO EAGER for a chance to “babysit” and you know in your heart of hearts that you don’t want that person keeping your baby. Don’t do it. Accept help, but don't settle on this.
4. Fail to plan. Plan to fail.
It’s possible that this should have been the first thing I mentioned, but there were other issues that needed to be discussed… Like getting you out of the house! In order to do that, we have to be smart. We have to be strategic. We have to PLAN. This can be a nuisance, but if you do this the right way… you’ll extend the amount of time that you can both leave AND enjoy the time you’re away. I won’t go into massive detail here, but you’ll need to consider the essentials: How long will you be gone? How much is your baby eating now? Have you left enough to eat? Have you left enough diapers? Does your baby have a safe place to sleep? Is your caregiver aware of your current schedule? All of these things will be the difference in your peace of mind when leaving home. If you plan these things accurately, you can get enough time away to feel completely relaxed and rejuvenated by the time you get back.
5. If you can’t make it to the party, bring the party to you!
I’ll tell you from experience, there’s NOTHING like having a gathering at your own home… but not cooking or cleaning anything. Yes, I did that. Mom perks. (Smile!) Have the next gathering at your place, have everyone come over, they’ll get to see the baby, you’ll get to have fun. It’s a total win! If the thought of having people over right now scares you, learn How to Host a Crappy Dinner. Keep calm and have them over!
When it comes to have to having a social life with a baby, you can’t have it all - all of the time, but you can have most of it - most of the time. It’s going to take some planning and some creativity, but it is very possible to “have a life” with a new baby. There will be times when you can’t make it happen, and when that happens, be kind to yourself. It's ok. The reality is, most of the "once in a lifetime" moments are happening at home and you won't want to leave anyway. To new parents, there are phases to parenthood. There are times when you'll want to sit in bliss and watch your baby in awe and amazement. There are times when you'll want to run away and contemplate coming back. This is completely normal, the key is not to allow Nancy or anybody else to tell you what you should be doing, and when you should be doing it.
Chanice Ford is a Concierge Labor & Postpartum Doula, Newborn Care Specialist, Childbirth Educator and Baby Planner. She is the Co-Owner of Concierge Doulas, located in West Palm Beach, FL. When she's not providing first class care, she's enjoying time with her her family and friends as close to brunch and the beach as she can be. She is also the voice behind Say Something Now. Learn more about Chanice and Concierge Doulas by following them on Facebook & Instagram